When people find out what I do for a living the same questions pop up:
How can I set better boundaries?
How can I find more balance in my life?
How do I find a sense of belonging if I am not religious or spiritual?
How can I find community in a big city I didn’t grow up in?
How can I feel safe letting my guard down in relationships?
Why do I feel so out of place and anxious all the time?
What is my purpose in life?
Am I broken?
Will it ever get better?
My answer is always the same: being human is not easy, but it is beautiful.
Most of us are afraid of feeling our emotions fully because they can be overwhelming. My sister calls it the ‘Monica room’ (Season 8, Friends fans!): we all have hidden rooms that have all the mess piled up that we are not ready to face, so we keep that door shut.
Introspective exploration doesn’t mean that you need to open all the doors at once, you only need to open the ones that you are ready to open. If we learn to regulate ourselves, we can face that piled up mess and we can allow difficult emotions like sadness, grief or anger to be present. As a reward we also experience all the beauty in life to a full extent.
But emotional (and nervous system) regulation itself is not enough, we need to learn more about ourselves and who we really are. What are our needs and our desires?
Who would you really be if nobody was watching? What would you do?
To explore these difficult questions, we need self-compassion, support and gentle guidance. This support used to come from elders and the whole community. Self-help books have now have replaced the elders, but they cannot replace kind listening, being heard without judgement and a caring community.
When we speak our deepest fears without shame, when we ask the questions we never dared to ask out loud and we are met with compassionate listening, the real healing can begin.
The journey itself is not for the faint-hearted, some philosophers compare it to a hero’s journey through a forest full of monsters lurking in the shadows. But if we persevere, things start to make sense, we become more sure of ourselves, our decisions and values.
We consciously choose the life we want for ourselves rather than just going along with someone else’s choice or expectations.
We create our own lives without having the need to conform.
We can develop the relationships we want for ourselves and our loved ones.
At the end of it, you will become the captain of your ship. This is what makes it all worthwhile.
Join me and a group of introspective explorers to map out your emotional landscape, while being guided and held in the safety of a nurturing community of like-minded people. This group coaching programme will help you develop better relationships with yourself and others, make good decisions in moments of stress, navigate conflict with more confidence and ease, and build the authentic life you have always desired. To find out more and join, click here.